“It has always been the belief of this storied publication that elected officials and the press have important roles to play in our democracy: namely

“It has always been the belief of this storied publication that elected officials and the press have important roles to play in our democracy: namely, that the former sets the policies that guide our nation, and the latter subserviently provides a mouthpiece to trumpet the will and intentions of the ruling class without question and without complaint. We here at The Onion are fully aware that our own reporters, like all members of the power-mad, out-of-control media, frequently overstep these sacred boundaries by scrutinizing the decisions and actions that those in mighty seats of authority, such as Mr. Gianforte, do not wish to discuss. And in such instances, it is important—imperative, even—that those who hold the reins of power put us in our place and punish us, preferably with considerable physical force, so that we never again commit such improper transgressions.”

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